Living With Anxiety: Why It’s Hard and What Can Help
As a therapist who specializes in anxiety and OCD, I often meet people who tell me, “I’ve been
dealing with this for years and thought this is just how my life is.” I deeply empathize when I hear this,
because I know how heavy it can feel to live with anxiety and OCD, especially when it’s carried in
silence.
My interest in this work comes from lived experience. Since becoming a therapist, I’ve sat with
countless clients who are bright, sensitive, and capable, yet stuck in endless cycles of worry, doubt, or
“what ifs.” What stands out to me is not just the intensity of the anxiety itself, but the stigma and shame
around it. Anxiety is not a personal failing, and it’s not a life sentence.
Why Naming Anxiety Matters
Anxiety thrives in silence. The less we name it, the more powerful it feels. Many people, particularly
men, believe they should be able to “handle it” on their own, but trying to manage anxiety alone often
leads to more worry, rumination, and self-criticism. The burden becomes even heavier when it’s carried
in isolation.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there’s a metaphor about a Chinese finger trap: the
harder you pull to get free, the more stuck you become. Anxiety often works the same way, in that the
more we fight or try to control it, the stronger it feels and the more trapped we become.
Labeling and sharing what you’re going through, whether with a friend, partner, or therapist, is an
important first step in loosening that trap. It creates space for perspective, compassion, and new ways
of responding.
3 Shifts That Can Help
Here are three simple, practical tools I often share with clients to begin shifting their relationship with
anxiety:
1. Recognize Anxiety Without Judgment
Mindfulness is a powerful antidote to anxiety. Instead of treating anxious thoughts and feelings as a
problem to solve, try noticing them as passing experiences. A phrase like, “I’m noticing catastrophic
thoughts” or “I’m noticing chest tightness” can help you step into the role of observer.
In ACT, this is sometimes called “self-as-context.” You are the ocean, steady and vast, not the passing
waves on the surface.
2. Practice Present-Moment Awareness
Anxiety pulls us into future-oriented “what ifs.” Returning to the present moment helps interrupt that
spiral. Engaging your senses can be a direct way to come back:
Notice the rhythm of your breathing.
Tune into what you see, hear, or smell around you.
Feel the weight of your body against the chair.
Any moment can be an opportunity for mindfulness. Even something as simple as savoring your
morning coffee without distractions can be grounding. These small practices add up.
3. Reach Out for Connection
Anxiety can shrink our world and convince us we’re alone. While it’s important not to rely on constant
reassurance, it can be healing to share your struggles with trusted people. Being seen and heard in your
experience can remind you that you don’t have to carry it all by yourself.
A Human Reminder
Anxiety is a universal human experience. It becomes more disordered when resistance to anxiety shows
up automatically and reflexively. But anxiety doesn’t need to define your worth or your future.
The goal of anxiety therapy isn’t to eliminate anxious thoughts and feelings altogether. It’s to help you
learn how to navigate the waters when things get rocky and to become a good steward of your mental
health. Like any skill, this gets easier the more you practice.
Anxiety doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human. And you don’t have to face it alone.